It has been a while since I last posted. So many things have happened, starting with my grandfather passing away, and my other grandfather being diagnosed with cancer to coping with exams, assignments and simply my self-care. I needed a break from writing and I am glad that I took it, because I feel energised and ready to start again.
I am the type of person who does not do well with losing a beloved person. The only other time that I really lost somebody who meant the world to me, was around 4 years ago when I lost my dog. I know some people might say that it is not the same, but for me it was because he was my best friend.
I do not think that you can ever be prepared for a beloved’s death. I definitely was not prepared and I knew that it was going to happen. I remember feeling in denial for a number of weeks and eventually I did deal with my emotions, and I am still doing so till this very day. I thought I would share with you a few ways on how one may choose to cope with a loss.
1. Give Yourself Time
I needed a lot of time till I dealt with the situation. It would be important to allow yourself that time and tell yourself that it is ok to not deal with it right at this minute. When I found out the news of my grandfather’s passing, I did not even cry during the first day. I was partly in shock, and since I knew it was coming, it was like I did not have any tears left. Eventually my mind and body accepted that it happened, and that is when I allowed myself to cry.
2. Dealing With Your Emotions
The next step for me, was to deal with my feelings, which trust me I am not a fan of doing so myself; however, I know that it is extremely unhealthy when we keep everything bottled inside. I dealt with my emotions, around one week after it occurred. I found it soothing to just allow myself to cry whenever I needed to, which in the long run helped me because the crying reduced to maybe once a week rather than everyday. I also spoke about it during therapy, which helped me reflect about all the good memories that I have with him. I also found myself thinking about my grandfather, which sometimes made it difficult for me to sleep, so after a while of sleepless nights, I decided to talk to myself about what I was feeling and thinking. This really helped me to process it and take it all in.
3. A Support System
I know some people may not have a stable support system, but I thought I would mention it, because it really helped me get through this tough time. I cannot thank my boyfriend enough, he has been my support system from day 1 and he really helped me through this process. He encouraged me to speak about it, but at the same time he gave me the space that I needed and instead he just hugged me, which is all that I needed to get me through those weeks. For those, who do not have a support system, keep in mind that there are other people you can talk to, for example a therapist, or through anonymous online counselling, and if it means anything, I am always here if you ever wish to talk (anonymously or not) by email.
Lastly, self-care is so important. Gosh I remember that I just could not be bothered about my self-care. I ate less, I stopped engaging in activities that I enjoyed, I stopped caring about myself, and I think this happened partly because I felt guilty to continue with my life when my grandfather just passed away. I am not going to give you a speech about how life goes on and how your loved one would have wanted you to be happy, because it will not really change how you feel. At least it did not make me feel any better. What I will say though is, that it is more than enough to eat, shower and simply get out of bed.
Everybody deals with grief in their own way, these were a few of mine, which I am still using till this very day, since it has only been three months. I really hope this post helped somebody out there and I would like to remind you that eventually it does get better, just give yourself some time!